Everything Turns to Green
by breeze33
Summary: What if Syaoran had never come back after The Hope card. What if Sakura's heart had been broken. Will they ever be together?


**Everything Turns to Green**

I honestly knew he was never coming back.

My emerald green eyes looked down towards the ground as I slowly walked to school. My feet felt like bricks today and with every step my frame became more rigged. With every step I felt the wave of emotions course throughout my body. I hated school. I hated being around such a large group of people. When I was younger I had loved school. I had been involved and downright happy to be with my friends. But as time went by the feelings of others had begun to drag me down. Kero had warned this may happen the older I became. The magic I had inside now made me more sensitive to the world around me. The feelings of others pulsed off them and into the open classrooms. I could feel everything and anything at once. It was overwhelming but mostly exhausting. Trying to determine which feelings were that of others and which were mine was almost impossible. Mostly I felt the sadness of the people around me.

I could tell everyone knew. Even the cards knew I was depressed. I tried my best to smile and laugh during my day but they all knew it was a lie. The worries that occupied others momentarily would sink into my soul. Some days, on the worst days, I would begin to cry in the middle of class. Tears would stream from my face and I wouldn't even notice them. One day a student a year below me had a death in the family. Later I found out his younger sister had died in a car accident but that was the day I broke. The emotions of everyone around me plus his sorrow swallowed me whole. I crumpled to the floor and screamed. Afterwards my father had suggested home schooling but I didn't want special treatment, I didn't want to give up.

I kicked a stone and looked up towards the blooming cherry blossoms. I knew when my depression had truly started. It was before I could feel the pain of others. He had returned to Hong Kong after The Hope card had been captured. He had so many obligations to his family he had to go back. We had spoken on the phone almost everyday. We would write letters and send gifts to another. I missed him terribly but it was enough until he could finally come back to Japan. Looking back it was a childish dream. No one actually finds there soul mate when they are ten years old and then one day it stopped. The phone calls, the letters, and the gifts. After a few weeks I was panicked thinking something had gone wrong during a training session. Until Meling showed up on my doorstep, I kept faith that everything was going to be alright. With Tomoyo by her side she had explained everything to me.

He was engaged. She was everything his family wanted for him and he had agreed to marry her. Meling had told him he was being a coward and a fool but he didn't listen. He said he had a duty greater then his own wishes. When she found out he hadn't had the nerve to tell me anything she had packed her bags and flew to Japan. She had never gone back. I think she was to angry with him for breaking both our hearts and found it to hard to be a part of his life anymore.

And I had cried. For days I cried. Yue and Kero were so worried they couldn't transform into there simpler forms. My energy was to intense, as if there master was in great danger, they couldn't relax. The cards were also going haywire but all I could do was cry. After freeze started a snow storm in the middle of July Eriol came from England to help manage the magic best he could. And then I stopped. Finally after four or five days I couldn't dry anymore. Suddenly feeling guilty for all the trouble I had caused I decided to suck it up and move on.

I used the fire card to burn all the letters and gifts he had given me. I changed my phone number and email address. I never wanted to hear his voice again. And I didn't. Part of me had died then. It wasn't until I was older did I realize it but I felt empty. Always empty.

I was seventeen now. My hair long and to my lower back. I had let it grow because I no longer cared to cut it. Tomoyo said it was lovely longer but I knew she was only trying to encourage me. I had become somewhat tall at 5'10' but too thin. I didn't eat much anymore. Kero often said he missed the sparkle in my green eyes. I ignored him.

I ignored almost everything.

I had tried to change. I tired to date. But how do you change what you love? Plus he was always around in a way. So many things reminded me of him even after five years. The color green, China, the cards, Meling and even Kero. They were all constant reminders of what I had lost. To top it off I couldn't use The Hope card anymore. Maybe because I had none.

With everything going on in my life the sensitivity I felt towards the things around me only increased my pain. No wonder Clow lived so much of his life in solitude. I had asked Eriol what could be done but he said nothing. With my heart so broken I would be unable to push these feelings away. Clow had hoped my normally happy nature with endure these feelings. He hadn't seen my heart ach.

So I walked on. Something that would never be broken was my will to fight. I went to school and tried to get high marks and continued to cheer. But nothing was the same. Days dragged on and I was looking forward to summer break. No more classes. No more people. Just alone with my emptiness.

I shifted my bag again and looked up to see the two dark haired girls waiting for me like they always did. I gave a small smile when they waved at me. Tomoyo looked very much the same. She was much shorter then Meling and myself but I honestly think Eriol liked her that way. They had been together a long time now but were always careful not to seem to happy around me. I hated that. Meling was just simply beautiful and a flirt. She was always dating someone knew and her stories of horrible first dates always made me chuckle. She had become my second best friend. Only when I was with them did I feel slightly like my ld self. There positive and happy natures normally help my day.

"Morning Sakura!" they said at once. Meling lived with Tomoyo know and I swear they had become sisters. I wasn't jealous of this, in fact I was glad. They both didn't know what it was like to have an annoying sibling growing up and now I got the chance to laugh when they talked about driving another crazy. I missed my big brother but Yukito and he had moved in together and seemed really happy.

"Morning." I said. We all began to walk towards our High School.

"Are you excited for summer Sakura?" Meling asked happily.

"Yeah, no more feelings. The stress of exams has been really bad this last week." The both nodded.

"It must be difficult being around such a large group of teenagers." Tomoyo added. I nodded.

"Yes. I think I am going to be an elementary school teacher. Far less negative and sad emotions going on in that classroom." I smiled. They both smiled back.

"You would be a great teacher Sakura. And if they ever get out of control just use the time card to freeze them." Meling said. I nodded and turned my eyes back towards the ground as the talked about Meling's newest boyfriend.

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After a long day I walked into my empty house. I was grateful for Kero more then ever after my brother left home. It was lonely without him. I rushed up stairs and into my bedroom.

"Hello Sakura!" Kero didn't even bother to look up from the television screen.

"Hi Kero!" I smiled. Some things never changed. I walked over the stack of Sakura cards my desk and held out my hand. "Hope Card!" I said. Nothing.

"Still no luck?" Kero had stop playing his game and was now floating beside me.

"No. I don't think she will ever listen to me again." I sighed and sat on my bed. Kero floated over and sat on my shoulder.

"It will, you just need more time. The sensitivity you feel towards those around you makes things difficult. But with time I am sure you will gain control of your emotions. Your still young." he smiled and I returned it.

"The girls are coming over tonight because my dad in out of town. Do you want to play cards with us. I will make popcorn!" with that he went ballistic. While he was dancing with happiness I felt something for a spilt second. I stood quickly and looked out the window. The street below was empty.

"What is it Sakura?" Kero looked with me.

"Nothing, just an odd feeling." he looked at me worried. "It's okay Kero. Its gone now. Probably someone having a really bad day walking by!" I smiled reassuringly. He nodded before floating back to the TV. I looked out the window again. I must be tired. I decided to take a nap before Meling and Tomoyo showed up. Closing my eyes I feel into a quick nap.

_あなたが決して忘れない愛_

_I love you. Never forget._

_あなたは私の心がのものである（の・もの・人）です_

_You are the one my heart belongs to._

_Amber eyes. Brown hair. A cold smirk. _

My eyes flew open and I gripped my sheets. His voice. It had sounded so real. My eyes darted around the darkening room. Kero was in front of the screen again not paying any attention. Looking towards the stack of cards on my desk one began to glow. Jumping from my bed I looked down to see it, a small smile on her lips.

Hope was waking up.

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A/N: this is my first Cardcaptor Sakura fanfic. Hope you like it! Please Review


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